he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
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