Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
