we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Randomize
