She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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