the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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