My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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