??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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