Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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