He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
he shaved USA in his pubs
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Randomize
