never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
there is glitter all over my balls
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
