Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
