did you get engaged???
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Randomize
