Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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