I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
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No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
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She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Someone signed my nipple.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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