Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
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