Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
