Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
