naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
