i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
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