I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Randomize
