I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
