sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Randomize
