At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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