I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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