Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
