maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
