ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
