I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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