Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
