My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
