If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
