does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
