And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
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he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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