I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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