I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
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