I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
