Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
