you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
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then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
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We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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