Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
