the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Randomize
