I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
sex in a hospital.. check
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
