Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
