Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
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