I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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