You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
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