I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize