just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
