I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
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