Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
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