im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
