Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Randomize
