I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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