I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Randomize