peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
