we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
