Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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