I feel great
I just peed on a car
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize