u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Randomize
