so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
