My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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