dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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