we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
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wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
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i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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